Second Position

I’ve been standing wrong for decades.

One of the first things you learn in ballet (and lots of other dance styles, too) is how to stand. First position, heels together, toes pointed outward. Second position, heels shoulder width apart, toes pointed outward. Third position, one foot in front of the other, toes pointed outward, heel of front foot touching the instep of the back foot. Fourth position, toes pointed outward. Fifth position, toes pointed outward. Despite everything every dance instructor has ever told me, this is apparently not how you are supposed to stand.

When my physical therapist corrects the way my toes are pointed, making me stand with my feet parallel and my toes firmly forward, I feel pigeon toed. It’s weird, it’s wrong, it’s not natural. My knees aren’t meant to turn that far in. My hips aren’t meant to hold that shape. I can feel my muscles fighting to turn my feet until my toes point outwards and somehow my pain therapist (so many therapists) wants me to just sit with that discomfort and allow myself to just… be.

It’s apparently pretty common for dancers to have this problem. And with it come a whole host of attendant issues. Hip pain, knee pain, foot pain. All of that just from standing wrong. Nevermind the various injuries that every dancer will cheerfully rattle off. The twisted ankle from a bad leap. Hip and back injuries from being dropped by an unprepared partner. A wrenched knee from a poorly executed turn. And those are just the injuries that I remember. Dance can be just as hard on the body as any other sport. And anyone who doesn’t think it’s a sport has never been to a dance competition.

It’s hard to undo decades of training in just a few months of therapy. Even now, as I type this, with my mindful yoga practices firmly at the fore, I still find my toes slowly drifting out. My hips relax, my knees let go, and my heels roll. And soon I find myself back where I started. Back to what feels natural. Back to where I have always been. Back in second position.