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The Diaper World Cup

July 5, 2014

Today I feel like diaper changes would be a lot easier if they came with some kind of sport commentary.

“And we’re here today with Acorn who has chosen the exersaucer for her event… And there she goes, Jim!”

“Yes Bob, it’s a particularly wet one by the sound, let’s see how the whole thing comes out.  Oh!  Yes indeedy it’s out the sides and up the back and rounding the corner for a truly impressive finish.”

“Here comes Mom for the liftoff…  It’s a strong passoff to the changing table.  Mom’s got some good form here, Jim.  Arms extended to limit spread and a quick pace to the table.  And there’s the drop.”

“Oh, that’s a real shame about the pad on the changing table, Bob.  It looks like another load of laundry for Mom.  But here she is with the change and whoa, nelly, there are not enough wipes in the world for that one!”

“Yes Jim, she might as well cut that onesie off because there is no way that is coming off cleanly.  Acorn always puts up a good fight on the removal…  But wait!  Yes, she does it!  Mom’s got the onesie off and the wipes in hand for the clean up!”

“What a great showing by Mom and Acorn, Bob.  Mom’s got a little scrubbing up to do and a fresh onesie for Acorn, but it’s all down hill from here.  Thanks for joining us, folks.  This has been brought to you by Pampers:  Your baby’s butt deserves the very best, even when what comes out of it is the worst.”


Someday, my child is going to be utterly mortified by these sorts of things.

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