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Why I Can’t Eat Sushi

August 17, 2012

In hindsight, I kind of wish we had gone for sushi.

Moose and I went out to dinner last week.  We had been planning to hit our favorite sushi place, but halfway there, Moose proposed we get pho instead.  The pho place is just across the street from the sushi place so it wasn’t out of the way.  I had the steak and flank pho because it’s my favorite.  Moose had a shrimp noodle bowl that the cashiers like to tease him about because he always asks them to leave off the veggies.

When we got home, I noticed that Middle Sister had posted a sonogram of Egg.  Egg will be Middle Sister’s third child and will probably be utterly adorable just like her other two.  While showing this picture to Moose, I mentioned that even though I’d stopped taking my pill on Sunday, I still hadn’t started my period.

Moose turned to me, wide eyed.  “OhGodIHopeYou’reNotPregnant.  Go get a pregnancy test.  Right now.”

I thought he was joking, to be honest, but a little frustrated that his first reaction appeared to fall somewhere between “Oh fuck” and “Time to panic.”  So I got up to go.

Just as I was about to leave, he tried to call me back.  “You don’t really have to go.”  But by that point I was determined.  I was sure going to show him!  I was most definitely NOT PREGNANT and I was going to prove it, damnit!

The trip to the Walgreens down the street didn’t take long.  I’m sure that the cashier thought I was a huge space cadet.  First I tried to use the wrong machine to pay, and then I tried to take the wrong bag.  Then again, considering I was buying pregnancy tests and only pregnancy tests, she probably figured out why I was distracted.

Moose waited out the test with me.  It didn’t take long.  The sign didn’t come through as loud and clear as it does in the movies, but we were pretty sure.  There was a high probability of there being a little cluster of cells somewhere in there.

The next day, I called for an appointment with my OB/GYN office.  The usual questions were a little difficult to answer.  I had been taking my pills straight through and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually bled.  After some discussion, Moose and I determined that it was probably sometime in late May.  Almost three months before.  I could be anywhere from 1 to 3 months pregnant.  I looked back on all of the things we had done in the past three months and suddenly I was afraid.  We don’t drink excessively, but we do drink frequently.  And what had my new medications been doing to it?

My first appointment was with my regular doctor.  He thought that I was probably okay to continue on most of my medications, but that I should double check when I talked to the OB.  I spent the next day in a bit of a daze while I waited for the OB office to call back.  On Friday morning, Moose and I both went in to have our very first visit with someone about my pregnancy and hopefully find out just how far along I was.

After spending some time talking to us about our situation, the Nurse Practitioner who we were scheduled with went to go fetch the machine.  In the dark of that room, we got to see it for the very first time.  The sac wasn’t much bigger than a pea and inside was a tiny bright spot of cells.  Our little Cashew, less than 5 weeks along.

There’s a long road ahead.  We both know this.  It’s also a bit of a scary road.  Although my new medications have been an immense help, I will need to change them to something else for the next 9 months.  And those new medications only fix some things.  All of the other crap that is wrong with my body still exists.  I still need steroids to breathe, I still can’t climb the stairs without pain, and I still occasionally manage to eat foods that bounce.  All of that and so much more.

For now there is this.  I am pregnant.  And we are happy.

Except for the fact that I can’t eat sushi.

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