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One Night At a Time

February 22, 2012

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my doctor to talk about the sleep problems. I told him everything. From my irritability, to my trouble finishing sentences, to my intense dreams and nightmares. Before I went, I had gone over my various journals and social networking sites to see if I could pinpoint when certain problems got worse and possibly find a source. So I was able to outline for him how each symptom followed from the others.

The diagnosis was not surprising. Considering my history it’s either insomnia causing depression, or depression causing insomnia. He gave me the choice of which to try and treat first. I was surprised to find that even for all my honesty here about the traitor voice, I was still reluctant to discuss depression as a possible underlying cause.

So we are treating for insomnia. For the next week, I get to be one of those people who needs a little white pill to get to sleep. Two, actually. One to get me to sleep, and one to help me stay asleep. The theory goes that if I can break my body of the habit of waking up at 2:30 am, then maybe it will kick back into a regular sleep cycle. After a week I will only take the prescription pill if I have an early morning waking. In three weeks, I get to go back and talk to him about how I’m progressing.

The doctor and the pharmacist were both very particular in explaining that the sleeping pill is not like sleeping pills of the past. The pharmacist took great pains to explain to me how the pills works, including how it metabolizes in the body. It helped to calm my fears about taking a sleeping pill, though the amount of additional paperwork for picking them up was a bit scary. Moose’s pain syrup for his surgery required less paperwork. I suppose because a little white pill is easier for an abuser to sell than a giant red bottle of liquid.

Last night, Moose and I went through our usual bedtime routine. Just before we went to cuddle up together, I took two little pills. He cuddled up to me because I wasn’t sure how quickly the first pill I would work. I was worried about not being awake enough to roll to my side of the bed before I became uncomfortable. I know that he didn’t stay on my over heated side of the bed for very long and that just before I fell asleep we hooked our ankles together. Beyond that, I don’t remember much until I had my first early morning waking.

At 5:25 a.m.

It’s only been one night. I am still very tired and getting up to be on this elliptical doesn’t help. A single night of sleep will not make up for over 4 months of restless nights. But it was one night that was mostly free of dreams and completely free of nightmares. Not even Ninja’s antics or Moose’s snoring woke me up.

It’s only been one night. But it’s the kind of night I haven’t had in over four months. I’ll take what I can get, one night at a time.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. justin h. permalink
    February 22, 2012 7:37 am

    funny, i woke up at the ungodly hour of 2:30am today, but probably because i fell asleep early with the lights on and felt compelled to walk the dogs when i dozed awake.. and then i decided to play games for a few hours before going back to bed., i wish you luck fighting your insomnia/etc. and hope that regular rest returns you to “normal” (or as normal as you’d like to be heh)

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