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Bad Faire Ideas

November 21, 2008

There’s a guy out at Ren Faire who has a fortune telling bird. No, seriously. Dragon is beautiful blue and green Macaw, and while tame enough to sit on her owners shoulder around the festival, is not usually a fan of bells and pettin’s. This past week-end one particularly suicidal patron decided that he required one of Dragon’s tail feathers. His preferred method of suicide was to walk up, yank Dragon’s tail feathers, and attempt to pull one out. The sum total of the conversation between Dragon’s owner and the patron went like this (keeping in mind that I was not there for this conversation, and Dragon’s Owner tends towards more general storytelling as opposed to specifics):

Dragon’s Owner: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?
Patron: I want one of them feathers.
DO: This isn’t a puppet. She’s a real live bird.
Patron: I know.
DO: You HURT HER.
Patron: Naw! She’s fine! She’ll grow more!

Dragon’s Owner informed me that the only reason this patron didn’t die on the spot was because a) Dragon was freaking out and b) said patron also had two little girls with him.

This, naturally, led to one of those conversations that I only have with people while I am In A Mood.

Me: I need a rat.
Uncle Keith: …Why?
Me: To tell fortunes!
Uncle Keith: Aaand how would that work?
Me: I’d train her to get runestones out of a bag, just like Dragon does.
Me: *miming taking runes from a rat* “Man, Ox, Water. Oh that’s not very nice.” *talking to imaginary patron* “My rat thinks you need a shower.”
Uncle Keith: *cracking up* And where would you keep it?
Me: She could ride on my shoulder! Or I could keep her in a little cage or something.
Uncle Keith: Wouldn’t it smell?
Me: Nah. If you raise them from when they’re very young, they can be very clean.
Uncle Keith: Why a rat?
Me: Because they’re very smart. I suppose a hamster, or a mouse would work too.
*a squirrel runs by*
Me: OH MY GOD A SQUIRREL! I NEED A FORTUNE TELLING SQUIRREL!

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