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Cloverfield

January 29, 2008


The streets are miraculously clear of cars.  Our Heroes are wandering around on foot.  There’s not a whole lot of other people wandering around.  And then, a horse carriage trots by.  It’s supposed to be spooky.  It’s supposed to be a sign of Things Gone Horribly Wrong.  It’s supposed to freak people out and make them think of all the poor animals getting left behind in this mess.  And all I could think was “Hey!  Morons!  Someone go grab that horse!  It goes faster than people!”  And if the monster comes, I promise you that horse is going to become a Kentucky Derby finalist in a heartbeat.

Oh yeah.  Let’s go creeping around in the dark tunnels.  Haven’t these people ever SEEN a horror movie?

No!  We can’t POSSIBLY stay in the nice, safe employee lounge of the subway.  What with the plentiful water, food, and electricity.  Sure, the Monster Lice might come and bust down the door.  But it’s a pretty sturdy door, and there were some damn fine vending machines in there for blocking the doors.  (Whitney sez:  “Yeah, but then they’d have been in there when [CHARACTER] went and [DID SOMETHING SURPRISINGLY GROSS].”  Point.  But it’s not like they knew that when they decided to leave their hidey hole)  Also?  There was a damn fine flannel hanging on a rack in there.  STEAL IT.  And as has been pointed out by others….  NEVER throw away a crowbar.  Every good gamer knows that.

You’re in a damned department store!  Steal some damn shoes!  And maybe some sensible pants while you’re at it.  I could have sworn I saw her throw those damned gold shoes at least once.  But NOOO.  They showed up again later.

One of these days, I want to see a horror movie with geeks and gamers as the protagonists.  I think it will be more frightening to see them do all of the sensible shit we’re always yelling at the screen, and still get eaten.  Mostly because I’m kinda twisted that way.

Making Light reviews what Our Heroes should have done (spoilers, duh).  Includes a link to Making Go Bags which I am including here, because I think it’s a super nifty idea and I’d like to give it a shot.  Another awesome list.

And finally…  The dudes next to us were total geeks and I kinda wished we had stopped and actually talked to them, rather than just trading geek cred during the trailers.  Maybe I could put an ad up on Craigslist.  “Missed Connections:  You- Plaid Vans.  Me- Chucks with rainbow laces.  Where- Monster movie, center of the row behind the rail.  Wondering if you wanted to join a club full of fellow geeks.”  Although, it was probably the rainbow laces that kept him from actually talking to us after the movie.  Note to self.  Less obvious laces in new shoes.  (And after writing this, I see this link:  College Humor.com does Missed Connections – Day After Cloverfield.)

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