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Care and Maintenance of your Emergency Holographic Boyfriend

October 23, 2006

Out at faire, there is often an agreement between members of the opposite sex who don’t have a significant other handy.  When one finds his or herself the subject of unwanted patron attention, they will give the other a signal of some kind to let them know that a rescue is needed.  This year I dubbed Jon and I’s system the Emergency Holographic Girlfriend.  Yesterday, I got to activate the Emergency Holographic Boyfriend.

It was a fairly slow afternoon, so Mamma, Sister Dear, and Jon had all wandered off, leaving just myself and Gran to woman the booth.  I was sitting in the “throne” with my feet up when a guy came and sat down on the bench, putting his hip right up against my feet.  His friend came over and sat on another bench.  The friend and I talked for a little bit about fortunes, and I asked if they wanted a reading.  The guy said “No, I just saw a pretty girl and figured it was a good excuse to sit down.”

Hello warning lights.  So I talked a little more to his friend, hoping that at least he would get a reading.  Gran eventually came out and talked to the friend, leaving me stuck with the guy.  Which wouldn’t have been so bad, except he was such an awful conversationalist.  He asked about the pagan star on our banner at one point and then practically dismissed any explanation beyond “It’s a good thing.”  Way to get a girl to respect you, buddy.  He wasn’t a bad guy, and I’ve definitely had worse patron attention.  But these two guys had missed the show they had said they wanted to see because they wouldn’t go away.

Jon finally came back with one of the hairwrap girls, and I saw my chance.  I started calling him “honey” and “dear” as much as possible.  The hairwrap girl wanted a reading, so I dragged her over to the Arc.  Once we got in, I leaned out the window, and using my best Cute Gypsy voice called “Oh Jon dear, can you get me some Gatorade?” (Insert plug for Gatorade as an essential prop to this bit)

Jon came over, I quickly told him what was up, and he said he had figured that was what was going on.  So the hairwrap girl and I sit down for the reading, and a few minutes later Jon comes over with the Gatorade (in a period mug of course) and says “Here you go, oh love of my life.”

I nearly ruined the whole thing by cracking up.

So the guy finally leaves, and Jon comes back over.  And this exchange takes place:

Me:  Activate Emergency Holographic Boyfriend!
Jon:  *poses heroically*
Me:  *in my best Jon imitation*  Please state the nature of your emergency.
Hairwrap Girl:  For Slimy Patron, press one.  For Drunken Redneck, please press two.  For Drunken Lesbian, please hold the line.

We were laughing so hard, I swore I was going to write it in my journal, and even got out some paper to jot down the highlights.  I lost the paper, but it’s all true.  I swear.  😀

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