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Tales From the Ren Faire

October 15, 2006

In my experience, Ren Faire will only close early if it is a) fuck all raining or b) slow enough to make staying open more expensive than closing early.  Well, it wasn’t fuck all raining at Ren Faire, but I hear Houston is turning into Atlantis rather rapidly.  It was definitely raining, though.  There is nothing quite like the thrill of just not giving a damn and getting to yell at patrons at the top of your lungs during parade.  “We’re out here marching in the rain for your amusement!  The least you can do is WAVE!!!”  Amazingly effective.

Some amusing moments for you:

Drunk Guy at 5 pm on Saturday
DG: Heyhey, how much is a fortune?
Mamma:  Is 10 pounds.  (that’s dollars, to y’all)
DG:  Well alright then!  *pays*
Mamma:  Okay, you go pick your fortune teller.
DG:  But I paid for YOU!  (what is this, a brothel?)
Mamma:  They make the money, I spend it.  (you’d think this line would get old, but it doesn’t)
DG:  Oooooh.  Okay.
Mamma:  Go over there and my daughter will tell your fortune. (enter Aza, Gypsy Princess)
DG:  Well alrightthen!  (Yup, he saw the cleavage)
Me:  ‘Allo.  My, you’re drunk.  How many beers have you had?
DG:  Only 7.
Me:  Uh huh.  In the last hour?
DG:  No.  I’m not drunk.  (yeah, the red face and slurring was from the heat)
Me:  You realize you’re lying to a psychic.
DG:  Yes.  But I’m not drunk.

Dude, you just admitted to lying to a psychic.  Get over it.

Drunk Guy, 9 am Sunday morning (bright and f-ing early).
DG:  Hey.  Hey.  Which one of you is the psychic?
Sister Dear:  Both of us.
DG:  Okayokay…  What’s my name?
Me:  We do not play test the psychic.
DG:  Awww….  I’m sorry.  I was jus’ tryin’ to be cute.
SD:  It wasn’t working.
DG:  Well, maybe I’ll just try harder.
SD:  A LOT harder.
Me:  Sir, you could try as hard as you possibly could, and it would only make you this much cuter. (imagine me holding my hand up in the “I’m squishing your head” gesture)
DG:  Awww…  That’s not nice.  You’re supposed to be nice to the customers.
Me:  You haven’t bought anything from me.  So you’re not my customer.
SD:  Sir, you paid twenty dollars to get in the front gate for the privilege to be abused.  Be grateful.

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