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The Story of the Infamous Hammer

October 9, 2006

So no shit, there he was….

This is not my story.  It has been passed down to me through many minds, many mouths, and many years.  Some people may have heard a different version of the story, and that’s okay.  Sometimes stories go that way.

One year out at TRF, there was a character of epic proportions.  Well, his hammer was epic.  Smash himself was dim witted, single minded, and HATED puddles.

On any given rainy day and some mornings where the sprinklers had run just a tad too long, Smash could be found hunting puddles.  He would stalk about the faire, searching out stray puddles.  Sometimes he would run up to them, sometimes he would sneak up on them.  But every time he reached one, he would raise his hammer over his head, yell “Smash SMASH!” and bring his hammer down on the puddle with tremendous force.  Thus showering any patron who happened to be nearby with muddy puddle water.  This result was usually accompanied by screams of surprise by those who got splashed, and laughter from those who managed to be out of range of the tidal wave.

One morning, in a particularly good mood, Smash went forth seeking puddles.  Deep in the shadows of Sherwood Forest, Smash found himself an especially large puddle.  He wound up, yelled his trademark line, and swung the hammer in a mighty blow.  It crashed down into the middle of the puddle.  Much to the actor’s surprise, instead of the usual THUD and spray of water, there was a sickening CRACK.  Quickly followed by a geyser of water.  Straight up into the air.  Followed by several other geysers of water, as sprinkler heads down the line from the one he had just cracked open sprang into action.

The actor, considerably smarter than the character, took in the results of his accidental destruction, and uttered the word that every stage director, set manager, director, and producer on this planet has come to dread.


To this day, the grounds keeper at the festival dreads the sight of this particular actor and his infamous hammer.  And he has been expressly forbidden from attacking any puddles.

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