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Dear Seahawks Fans

May 16, 2006

Dear Seahawks Fans,
Please feel free to shut the hell up.  It’s bad enough hearing about this bullshit from fellow Aggies, but I’m REALLY sick of hearing about it from Seahawks fans.  There is so much spin coming out of Seattle that the Space Needle is drilling a new hole it the ozone layer.  Here’s a few tips for you to keep in mind in your future arguments with Aggies.

1.  The lawsuit was not just dismissed.  The Aggies didn’t give up.  We, as Aggies, do not give up when it comes to our traditions.  There was a settlement, in which the Seahawks agreed to pay Texas A&M money to use the trademark.  This means that the Seahawks either a) decided that they couldn’t win and might as well save money by simply paying for the trademark, or b) the Seahawks decided it would be cheaper to simply cough up the cash rather than fight a lawsuit.

2.  Complaining that the trademark wasn’t issued until 1990, several years after the number 12 was retired in Seattle is like complaining that McDonalds trademarked the Big Mac several years after you figured out the world’s greatest way to stack a hamburger.  McDonalds was serving hamburgers long before you discovered red meat and Aggies were standing for their team long before yours was even a gleam in its owner’s eye.

3.  It’s terribly cute that the Seahawks fans think that their noise level helps support their team.  But until your collective force of your team spirit can make the press box move, you can’t compete.

4.  Kyle Field’s capacity: 82,600.  Qwest Field’s capacity: 72,000.  Population for the city of College Station: 82,337.  Population for the city of Seattle: 563,374.  Tell me again why the Aggie fans aren’t in the same league as your huge national football team’s fans?

5.  “12th Man” has become a general term for any loud fan base for football.  You can feel free to call yourselves the “12th Man” all you want.  Just like you can call a bandage a Band-Aid, a zippered baggie a Zip-Lock, and a copy machine a Xerox as much as you want.  But the second you try to make money off of the terms, you’re going to be up against some very angry companies.

6.  Aggies do not stay confined to College Station after graduating.  We’re like a plague.  We spread, and we bring our traditions with us.  And it’s entirely possible that somewhere in the many decades since E. King Gill stepped from the stands some Aggie moved North and brought the idea of the 12th Man with him.  The Seahawks didn’t spontaneously pull the idea out of their collective marketing asses.  It originated somewhere, and that somewhere was right here in that “tiny little college town” you people keep bad mouthing.

7.  Ignore the bitter Longhorn fans.  Using their statements to support your argument is like asking an Irish Catholic to support your rant about Irish Protestants.  They’re just a tad bit biased.

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